Everyone says that I have to carry on with life as normal, and that things can only get better. Yet I cant feel it. All I feel is numbness and I dont want to carry on as if everything is fine. I miss you so much Nan and it hurts like hell knowing that I cant come and see you for a cuddle or some 'Nanny Magic', and I cant come and talk to you and hear your words of wisdom when I want. Im never going to hear you tell us all a joke or a witty comment anymore, I have to try and remember them and re-create them like you would of told us. Its all so hard and it seems to be me struggling more than everyone else. I haven't got the "coping" part figured out yet. I feel tired, but im always awake! I feel hollow and numb. I feel like I am existing, not living. But like everyone keeps saying, surely it can only get easier. You are still my Nan, my Mum and will always be the very best friend that I could ever wish for. No-one can ever replace that. Keep your eye on me from time to time and have a hugh big cuddle waiting for me, for when its my time to come and be with you. Sweet Dreams ~ I LOVE YOU NAN ~ so very much. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX